“Do one for you”: Listening to the Coach Inside
While driving in my car the other day, I was listening to Glennon Doyle’s podcast “We Can Do Hard Things.” I’ve been a listener since she started it last year.
The episode featured Natalie Portman as the guest. If you’re wondering how in the WORLD they are connected let me tell you. Natalie is the “big boss” for Abby Wambach, (Glennon’s wife) as they are both owners of the new all-girls soccer team The Angel City Football Club. (Another fabulous story - check it out!)
As they chatted about various things, Glennon’s sister, Amanda started talking about getting a tattoo with the words “Do one for you” because of Natalie’s story.
Natalie began talking about her role as a prima ballerina in the movie Black Swan, and describing how many takes it took to get acceptable scenes in the director’s eyes. She describes receiving feedback over and over, incorporating small changes until the director got what he wanted. (Imagine trying to look like an experienced ballerina who has a life-time of training!)
After the “perfect” take, he would look at her and say, “Now, do one for you.”
She says these takes were most often the ones they used in the movie.
Isn’t it interesting that when she would “Do one for you” that it was more right?
Many spiritual leaders would argue that our deepest truths lie within us. Maybe that’s the key to it – listening to that voice inside us and trusting it and in fact, ACTING on it!
I’m not exactly sure how it feels to “do one” for myself ~ but I’m pretty sure when I decided to leave my marriage, it’s the closest I’ve been. For me, it was the right decision. It was the bravest thing I’ve ever done, and it was the right thing for me. That voice inside me was not going to be ignored.
When you’re considering a change in your relationship, it can seem natural to look to others for guidance. You and your relationship are unique. The person you’re bringing to the table and the person on the other side of the table sit there with different life experiences and wear different “glasses” as I like to say. We see the world through our own personal experiences and biases. Just like Natalie listening to her director, input from others may help you, but ultimately you know how to do it your way. No one can know what’s best for you, but you.
And then there’s that familiar guilt we feel when we are making a decision for our own happiness. As women, our culture tells us that it’s virtuous to put everyone else’s needs above our own. But just like the oxygen mask lesson I learned on the airplane, how can I even BE there for someone else if I’m depleted?
What would it mean for you to “do one for you?”
Are you afraid to give yourself permission to have what you want?
Whatever that means for you, start today to believe you deserve it and take steps towards it.
Statistics show that women who eventually make relationship changes wish they had started sooner. What are you waiting for?
